Monday, August 29, 2011

call of the self? mental chatter?

how do i know if it's mental noise out of fear and doubt and their extended family? or signal from my own great self? this is a huge ongoing question on the spiritual path. sometimes the choice is crystal clear. black and white. sometimes not so clear cut. for instance. a week or so ago i received a reminder to rsvp a spiritual study group scheduled for yesterday afternoon. looking at my schedule i can go. however i keep feeling a teenie weenie pull to say no. sure there are a bunch of things on the to do list that have been there for quite a while and it would make sense to seize the few hours to wipe out whatever i can wipe out from the list. meanwhile the tendency to judge and criticize seep in. no, suk wah, you're just lazy, you think you know enough already. blah blah blah. i am resolved to go with the inscrutable intelligence of my own great self. so i let the situation sit in the back of my mind for a couple of days. an interesting thing happens. the judgmental voice fades. the pull to say no hovers. just then another reminder arrives in the inbox. no sooner than i read it i feel this little tug swelling in momentum. on the spot i rsvp. sorry can't come.

as it turns out, yesterday late morning i got an invitation to help a dear friend who is going through a rough episode. at what time? it overlaps with the study group session. without hesitation i say yes.

how subtle. and so it is that my connection to my own great self builds and stabilized. little by little. i am even more motivated to keep the mind still and body quiet so i won't miss those little signals which lead to the knowledge of my own true nature.

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