hong kong. breakthrough.

from the get go don't get me wrong. hong kong is, if not the most, right up there on the list of most dynamic and vibrant and amazing places in the world. this pearl of the east can electrify you, dazzle you and rocket you straight out to deep space where planets and galaxies are being created and destructed nonstop as i type. i ask my aunt, where is the street where grandpa's laundromat was? she says, the street name is there but the street is no more. i say, what do you mean, i do know in hong kong we tear down and rebuild all the time but the whole street? she says, yeah, the whole street, even i don't recognize anything and it's still building and rebuilding. i'm not exaggerating when i say i can see a subway stop on every street. move over, starbucks. now, what am i getting at? o yes, people. so many people. people on the move. i have yet to see a person in hong kong that stands still for a moment. by the way, hwubby says, i have never seen so many fancy footwear. and they go about so fast i feel this background anxiety that someone would just stamp on my foot and just walk on. to the next sumptuous meal. to the next fancy shop. to the next deal. when the stop light turns green waves of people would roam into the street. several times i look around taking in these smart, on the move people and i recall these words from the poem breakthrough.


millions of lives ca be lived.
but for what purpose if there's no breakthrough

is my life all about making money? gathering fame? sucking attention? acquiring things? obviously i didn't feel so. or else i would not have left cause there's no better place on earth to make money. i mean m. o. n. e. y.

a massive stroke of grace

a life without grace bears no fruit.
millions of lives can be lived.
but for what purpose 
if there's no breakthrough?
what a mindstopper. and these words of wisdom are hard to chew on. for several days i've been meditating on them. they are illumining certain old tendencies. how about this one? that gnawing, lingering unpleasant feeling goes like this. what am i doing this for? is this what my life's about? i recall so many times in my life when by all conventional measures i should be happy and proud of myself and feel abundant and great and blah blah blah. but deep down i know i am not experiencing any of that. i couldn't make sense of it. it drives me nuts. it was frightening to even entertain the possibility that whatever i can achieve and get outside of me is not going to answer my burning questions once and for all. it was beyond the mind to conceive that there's no one who can grant me lasting happiness. really, where would i be if it were not for a massive stroke of grace that breaks through the concrete cage of fear and anguish that i found myself locked in. hey, who cares if i had lived millions of lives adrift. i am back on course in this one and that's all that counts.

even good insights can take me away from being with the self

it never ceases to amaze me what i can see that i didn't see before when the mind is immersed in the quiet and clarity of the inner self. case in point. a while back i received the response regarding a proposal i made. it was a 'no.' since then i moved on.

so there i am meditating away in robust, dynamic contentment, my awareness aloft in the divine humming flowing through the easy breath and, voom, i see it. i see where that 'no' was coming from. it was a justifiable 'no' given the circumstances at that point in time. but between then and now things have changed. and so, if needs be, i can go back to the person and ask for reconsideration.

then the real challenge rears its head. i can feel excitement roar and thunder. along with it agitation and restlessness in the body and mind, like, i can't wait to write this all down, tell hwubby all about it, and so on and so forth. all pushing the mind to keep going with more thoughts and feelings. very tempting indeed. it is in such a moment that i really appreciate the cumulative efforts i've been putting in to anchor my awareness in the true purpose of meditation. to be with the inner self. no more. no less. having insights that guide me in worldly affairs is fine but i have to keep my eye on the ball. or else even good and helpful insights can, in the end, take me away from the real goal. to realize i am the inner self. no more. no less.