possibilities are like sparks within lapis lazuli

this morning's meditation is magnificent. i go deeper and higher than i recall i ever have. the inner being is so vast, so pristine, so strongly quiet, so clear and light. it is not sheltered by the body. on the contrary, the body is within this subtle yet tangible conscious realm. as awareness rests and roams in this i realize i am having an experience of what 'being refreshed' means. there's a sense of opening everywhere in the entire being. from this place i look at how i was shocked into panic by an unexpected development. now i can see its root cause is a deeply-rooted conditioning, that the reality that i find myself in is the only reality. this illusion is a killer. it blocks grace. it blinds out peripheral vision. it renders me incapable to see possibilities and openings sparkling the way delicate golden sparks are embedded within lapis lazuli.
the moment i recognize this i lift my awareness out of that lower vantage point. my inner vision opens up. i am once again in the clear sky of pure consciousness. hey, this twist actually points the way to do something that previously i thought i couldn't pursue. the limitation is dissolved.

happy anniversary, hwubby and suk wah.

jumping into action with an agitated mind? no more

awake in a snap at 3. i see the connection between two dots and have a panic attack. pretty much all at once. here's what happens. i knew hwubby would be away all next week. meanwhile yesterday i was notified that 5/14 would be the last day to submit a certain application packet. so i thought i have 2 weeks to prepare. but it isn't until my mind is in that quiet and clear mode that i see all the papers that need hwubby's signature have to be drawn up this week. and then i see something else. there is an affidavit required in the packet. o. no. and so in a blink the old tendency of getting worked up bursts and flares. i definitely see agitation and restlessness in the mind.

by now i know for sure the antidote is turn attention with all my might to the breathing sound and movement and get ready for meditation. to jump into any action in such a state only guarantees an ugly mess. then what? i have to clean it up.

coming out of meditation two hours later i feel centered and clear-headed enough to take a look at the situation with a fresh eye and steady hand. i will listen intently to the promptings from the inner self moment by moment, see what i need to see, remember what i need to remember, and take care of what's necessary step by step.