a girl can always use a beauty rest:)

this morning's meditation is nice and sweet. the column of golden lights that runs from the base of spine to the crown of head is bright and strong. yet no sooner than i begin to come out of easy lotus posture i receive this message from within, crystal clear, go back to sleep. it makes total sense. in the last couple of days i have been sensing this general exhaustion in my entire being. i'm not a medical doctor so i don't have the technical knowhow to articulate it but, hey, a girl can always use a beauty rest. and when i wake up a few hours later i definitely feel a tight know loosened up deep within. put it simply. i feel better.

i don't have to prove i am right

i need to make a difficult phone call and i can see the mind going wild: they won't understand, they'll be so disappointed, i can't handle it, it's all too much. blah blah blah. so i do the only thing i know how. i say to myself, i'll go to sleep, get up super-duper early, meditate and then make the call.

i do all that. and then some. i meditate two and a half hours. for most of that time i watch all this tumultuous mental activity spinning out and all around me. but i do what i could to hang in there with the shaft of golden light that stands tall and strong from the base of spine to the top of head. eventually the body and mind settle down and i enjoy the sweet stability in my own self so much that i can just sit quietly like that all day long if i didn't have to take care of what's necessary.

while i prepare to come out of meditation two simple instructives appear: listen with full attention. simply state the facts. i know what they are for. they are telling me, drop the defenses, stay in the present with what is whatever it is. indeed. one of the ways that i have been 'off the mark' is being defensive, that i have to prove i am right, that i have to be understood and accepted. no. i don't.

hooooh. i feel so much lighter and clearer just having this understanding. anchored in this place and state i go on the phone. i listen with an open and patient mind. i explain the facts as i know it. i respond to clarifying questions. i can hear the disappointment in the person's voice. i acknowledge it, i thank her for being so understanding and kind and the dialogue keeps going. the situation itself is still difficult but the way i feel about it is different. some old knot deep within is untangled. it is so worth it to put in the effort to stay tight with what is.

meditation retreat experiences

moments after the first session in the all day meditation retreat kicks off i see contours of a storyline that i've been working at emerging and shaping. it's so exciting. i couldn't help but go along with it when i realize no, there's a time for everything and it's is not the time for this. i summon up the will to turn the attention around. breath by breath, little by little, my awareness settles into the cooling river of the humming sound in the breath. when the session is over i quietly jot down the keywords. only the keywords. i make conscious, sustained efforts to stay with what's at hand. to hold the mind clear and quiet.

in the third session i see a column of lights. beautiful vibrant lights. opal lights. i don't see the top and bottom of it. it is clear to me that it stretches up to the crown of head and base of spine. and beyond. lovely hues. shimmering, sparkling, shifting luminance of young green, clear sky blue, powder pink, hot pink, marigold yellow, lemon yellow. absolutely pleasing to the senses. i revel in it. after a while it all becomes a dazzling brilliance of white and the contours of the column disappear. just when i wonder why the inner self says, you are in the light. yes. i am the light. i own a trove of top quality gemstones within.

in the finale session my posture is as great and fresh as can be. hey, that's after meditating for almost seven hours since i did two hours beforehand.