hwubby wrapped like a burrito for an airlift

here's one for cultivating acceptance. i spend mon, tue, wed to prepare for hwubby to have acute inpatient rehab in bellevue in new york city. my rabbi arranges an apartment that is nearby. my sister-in-law gets me snow boots, provisions. i discipline the mind for the radical shift. just when i think i am all ready to go and, boom, i'm told on thursday afternoon that they will put hwubby on an air ambulance on friday early morning and fly him back to california. why? because our hmo insurance does not cover out-of-state rehab but it covers an airlift. they can tag me along. between the two of us we can have one carry-on.

it turns out to be a sleepless night to get ready. and so it is at 7 in the morning on friday a team of medical professionals show up with a gurney. they are so competent and confidence-inspiring. they wrap up hwubby like a burrito and off we go into the freezing cold. an ambulance takes us to teeterborough in new jersey. a learjet with two co-pilots are there waiting for us with comforting smiles. it's small plane. think galley kitchen. i am all cooped up in a back corner next to piles of medical equipment. with a fuel stop in north platte, nebraska, we land in napa, california several hours later. there he is transferred into another ambulance and taken to kaiser rehab center which is just twenty minutes away.

i didn't know what to expect and it turns out better than i could have imagined. this kaiser facility is brand new, state of the art. it is beautiful and well-staffed. a friend from the ashram researches into it and, apparently, this is among the best in the world for rehab.

o, and let me not forget that while i am in nebraska i receive a call from ellie, my dear jewish sister. listen to this. she says, suk wah, i have found you a place to stay in vallejo, it is near the facility, and you can stay there for free. wow. how cared for i am.

breaks my heart to see him in such pain

i thought i have a good handle on 'attachment.' until i see hwubby in such pains. a burp sets off a screaming spasm. or it can come on just like that, involuntarily. the doctor asks him, on the scale of one to ten, what is this pain? hwubby says, nine at least. so he's been put on morphine. and that creates another kind of pain. constipation. before this happened hwubby has at least one bowel movement a day. so it breaks my heart to see him suddenly screaming in pain and i can do nothing about it.

so it is i count my great good fortune to be able to stay in a lovely, serene apartment near bellevue. i have the two bedroom apartment all to myself. now i even have a meditation room. i go into meditation today with a burning question. how am i going to walk through the eight inch of snow in l l bean shoes? but i am not worried. somehow i know the answer is within. and sure it is. soon into meditation i receive it. wrap plastic bags around feet. and so i do. i secure it midway below knee with rubber band. it works beautifully. thank you, inner self. now off i go into the famous new york snow.

hwubby in bellevue hospital

it could have been so much worse. hwubby was hit by a taxi in new york city. he was thrown into the air, dented the hood, cracked the windshield before hitting ground. pretty beat up. his attending physician in bellevue hospital says, broken ribs are the worst pain. and hwubby has a bunch of them, besides a broken clavicle, cracked pelvis, lung bruises and liver lacerations. o, yes, a broken pinkie too. but he is very, very lucky. no surgery is necessary. yes, there are bruises but none on his face. he's going through phenomenal physical pains but his mind is clear. in fact he was conscious the whole time these two thousand tons of accelerating steel hit him.

this happened last friday night. now, four days later i find myself gazing into a magical world created by a night of snow as i stand in the living room of this garden level apartment in chelsea. i just come out of a sweet meditation. it's warm quiet all around me and within me. how can i not feel safe, supported and cared for when there have been abundant loving help streaming in everywhere through everyone that i cross path with. as my guru says again, all this is grace, all this is grace, all this is grace.

i couldn't have created a better set up to cultivate what i want to cultivate. patience. and so i feel grateful and tranquil, deeply tranquil.