dream. serve. vote for obama.

for the kid who dares to dream. for the kid who wants to serve. for them i vote for obama. first of all i have to say i don't agree with quite a few things with what the president has done and still doing. second, i actually volunteered for his campaign in 08, the first time i ever got that involved in politics. not this time around. so it has been kind of sad to realize that i couldn't bring myself to commit to vote for him again.

until 2 days ago i was still undecided. and i am typing this post as election results are beginning to come in. for some time i have been praying for guidance regarding the vote. i keep my mind open. so much noise. so much negativity tossing around. i keep my eye wide and clear, ear steeped in the stillness of the heart.

then a recent saturday afternoon i stumbled upon the news that bruce springsteen performed after bill clinton gave a speech at a rally. i kind of felt drawn to catch that. i did so. the little bit that i heard was exactly what i needed to hear.

2 things. first, student loan reform. graduates can repay their loan over 20 years at a fixed percentage of their income. it means if a young doctor wants to serve in a rural community as a primary physician he/she can do it without worrying about how to pay off $200k student loan. second, young people can be covered under their parents' coverage. it means time for the young one to dream, to search, to experiment, to fail and get up and try again.

how many kids who grow up would do that? i don't know. but one kid can change the world. one kid out there has the chance to become what he/she ought to be regardless of the birth circumstances. it takes fuel and oxygen to set a flame ablaze. and so i vote for obama for bestowing to the kids the conditions to become what they dream to be.

thousand more years to go. west side story

it's been nineteen glorious years. how fortunate hwubby and i have each other to travel life with.

the best marriage advice i ever received is this. hold your hands and see each other you will end in divorce, hold your hands and see god in each other then you'll be fine. i can't say i have totally imbibed this wisdom and totally live by it because in the heat of the moment i forget, and not infrequently. what do i forget, really? that i am deeply flawed and imperfect. sure, my innermost and highest self is pure and perfect. but there is a tangled ball of conditionings, preconceived notions, habitual tendencies covering it. the moment i can bring my attention back to that place of inner tranquility i can see what's at hand differently. the self of me sees the self of him.

i saw the movie 'west side story' when i was little. i loved the music. who created these gorgeous sounds that squeeze my heart and wring my gut? leonard bernstein. bernstein. i have loved that name ever since. and an inexplicable desire appeared. i would like to have that name. i never told anyone. what's the possibility of a chinese girl from a poor neighborhood in hong kong to become a 'bernstein?' well, here i am. as a matter of fact, it wasn't until years after i got married that i recalled this experience. now, with 21 years of spiritual efforts i can truly say that was the voice of my highest and innermost self. the voice of boundless potential. the voice of infinite possibility.

i am truly looking forward to the thousand more years with hwubby, hand in hand, heart in heart, seeing the self in each other.

sahasrara. inner voice.

lately i have been studying the thousand petal lotus. sahasrara. because i want to self-realize and i want to know what the place is like. anyway my study buddy says, let's find an image of it. right away a tiny wisp of voice goes through me. sacred power. a little book. a dense book packed with profoundly esoteric knowledge and graphics of all the chakras. yet i didn't go with what this voice is telling me because my attention habitually goes with the tendency that goes like this, there is something better than this out there, what i know is not good enough. what happens next is i email several people whom i know are knowledgeable about such things. meanwhile that same small voice keeps coming back. so i dig out that little book, open it. sure enough an exquisite illustration of the sahasrara appears before me. i examine it closely. i've looked at this image before, several times over a span of years. still i look at it like i am seeing it the first time. i feel i know it better. before it felt like something so far away, so unattainable. now i have this sense that, yeah, it is in me. i suppose this is recognition, realizing this is part of me. as a matter of fact, it feels more like all that i can see that is me is manifestation of this subtle wonder. there is a tibetan mantra that goes like this. om mane padme hung. translated literally it means 'the jewel is in the lotus.' i am truly fortunate to be on a path that empowers me to experience that lotus right inside me.

since then it has been so easy to guide attention to the depths in the head where this sublime lotus dwells.

 i didn't feel surprised when i received a response from an expert in response to my question. the book 'sacred power' has what you need, go there. i realize this is such a powerful affirmation of my inner voice. this experience strengthens my connection with my own inner self that much more.

somehow all this brings to mind a metaphor from hindu scriptures. this human world is a five colored lake. stalks spring out of the muddy waters. at the end of each stalk is a lotus bud. each bud has the potential to blossom into a thousand petal lotus. very few do so. 

tweak and twist jewish high holidays.

chag sameach. i love jewish high holidays. the intention is sublime. the ten days are really about reflecting on the previous year. the structure is brilliant. begins with new year, rosh hashana and ends with at-one-ment, yom kippur. the whole idea is to look at where in the past year i had been 'missing the mark.' cheyt. a term from archery, meaning just that, not as it has come to be known as 'sin.' what a relief, huh. no judgement. no criticism. above all, all i need to do is to identify the points where i 'missed the mark' and return to where i ought to be, my highest self. the prayers are to steer our attention in such direction and stay there for the ten days and, hopefully, beyond. this process, teshuva, is intense work, hard work. can't stand on the sideline. have to dig deep and be able to look at things as they are, me as i behaved, acted and thought, and, believe me, it can be ugly and unpleasant.

now that brings me to my humble suggestion for upcoming high holidays. tah dah. the truth of the matter is, teshuva, is emotional and mental detox. don't believe me? listen to the recurring calls to yhvh in yom kippur. SWEEPT IT OUT. THROW IT OUT. WIPE IT OUT. CLEAN IT ALL OUT. in another word. flush it out of you.

here is where knowledge comes in. liver works hard during detox. toxins are drawn into circulatory system before they can be expelled. think this metaphor, flush it down the toilet. and herein lies is the problem. part of yom kippur tradition is fasting. no food is good. it conserves digestive fire to pull out toxin. but no drinking doesn't work so good. no water to flush it out. what happens is by late morning of yom kippur i begin to feel dizzy, and headache begins to set in. it gets worse in the afternoon. was it as bad as jon stewart says, i'm ready to punch a baby? i was just too dizzy to know. but hwubby took a look at me, decided on his own that he had to take me home. i took some rice milk, went horizontal for a bit before i could return to the finale service.

according to ayurveda, yom kippur takes place in the season of autumn. two key words for autumn. heat and wind. in the body the wind blows heat upward into the brain where the mind dwells. the toxic heat stirs up negative emotions.

so here's what i'm gonna do next yim kippur. stay hydrated. in fact, during the ten days of teshuva make sure i drink nice and plenty. sweep it out. throw it out. wipe it out. flush it all out. return to who i really am. light. a blazing flame. love. joy. courage. strength. kindness. eternal goodness. eternal godness. hallelujah.

in my humble opinion, this is the number one greatness about this country. i can freely draw on whatever works on the spiritual path. ancient knowledge, cutting edge knowledge, ancient prayers, modern means. i can tweak and twist to my heart's content. this is true liberty.

raging fire. let slave consciousness go.

LA SHANA TOVA. now is the time for jewish new year. may the coming year continue to bring sweetness into you and you and me. sweetness in the bright and bold flavors of strength, courage, perseverance, intoxicating tastes of kindness, generosity. may the breath of yhvh flow into the unfoldments of life. may the merciful one bless us with the awareness to experience the breathing movement touching all that in our life, all that we may not conventionally perceive as pleasant, even all that the mind has been conditioned to think of as bad, unfortunate.

during this period culminating in yom kippur the rabbis say we have to do teshuva. what's that? we reflect on the past year, examine where we were off the mark, forget to think, speak and act from the place of our highest self, and we return.

for most of the past year hwubby was going thru rehab as a result of being hit by a taxi head on, incurring multiple fractures in clavicle, ribs and pelvis. he spent five days in icu, weeks in acute rehab and a full month confined to hospital bed at home. then came months afterward traveling in wheelchairs.

as i look at this pic all i can think of is this. IT COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH WORSE. as a matter of fact i recall when i got the call during which i was informed about the accident i clearly see i am in a moment of choice. i can go into the narrow consciousness of 'i'm the victim...why me...blah blah blah.' instead i see my attention dive with unwavering resolve into the opposite direction. That he is in god's hand and i just have to do the needful.

sometimes when we go thru airports with him in the wheelchair and i holding his cane i like to sway it like a baton. he would tease me, what are you doing, you think we are the multitude leaving egypt? i say, hey, why not, that's a good one. indeed, it's a great one. you see, it's hard to take the slaves out of the narrow land and it's even harder to take the slave consciousness out of us.

raging fire burns up dross and out comes pure gold. may we have the understanding to step into the challenge and allow our golden selves to shine forth fully. amen. may it be so. 

brain collision. brain oxygen

there i am immersed in book rewrites. well, actually, not exactly rewriting but restructuring, reconfiguring the way the narrative flows and fleshing out certain aspects that are not written out in the current manuscript. in particular the immortals world. there are scenes of it but i wouldn't exactly say i have painted a world with characters. what has all this got to do with brain collision? what happens is i am working at seeing what's going on where in that world, who's saying what and doing what and .... hwubby pokes through the door and asks, do we have a record of who we sent books to for the back-to-school email blast? boom, and i am not exaggerating, there goes my brain and eye. i look at him. my mind is in the middle of nowhere. i have completely lost that world and this one too. a total train wreck above neck.

back when i was in vaidyagrama i had bloodwork done. the results show that i am just below normal regarding levels of red blood cells and hemoglobin. fascinating. because the blood work done in the states showed that i am 'within range' and i was told that i was fine, not anemic. since then, and i am not kidding, i have been getting a recurring message from within that says one word, oxygen. i immediately knew what that means. i need more oxygen into the brain.

okay, suk wah, what are you talking about, what's the connection here? bear with me a little bit. so when i was in new york, my sister-in-law insisted on me seeing her chinese doctor. i went. here's something amazing about blending wisdom from the east and knowledge from the west. dr sun put something on my fingertip. it's a small device that fits like a cap. after a few seconds a number shows up. dr sun takes one look at it and says, you don't have enough oxygen.

so here's my inner wisdom telling me. this brain collision experience has something to do with the reality that i need more oxygen in the brain. right now i'm going through a chinese herb regimen prescribed by dr sun. i'm already feeling some difference. at least i am sure that it's not that i am lazy. there is a situation in my body that needs to be fine-tuned. i have to be strong enough to go back and forth between the worlds.

anyway, a chinese doing ayurveda and taking chinese herbs with the data from western medicine. how cool is that. how fortunate i am.

olympics, meditation

at this stage in my life i am appreciating the olympics through the eye of a meditator, someone who wants to attain self-realization. huuuuf, there i said it. by the way, am i going for the impossible? hey, why not aim for the highest.

as i revel in the performances of olympians this is what goes thru the mind. wow, such resolve and determination they have. what sacrifices they have endured to come to this point. so much blood, sweat and tears they must have poured forth over a long period of time. i hear that michael phelps practiced all days of the year for years. i know i ought not to compare. but i really can't say i have been doing what i need to do as a spiritual student with that kind of unyielding, uncompromising tenacity and focus. for a start, i meditate six days a week, sometimes even five. on one hand i say to myself, you have to be gentle with yourself. on another hand, using a metaphor, do i want to skip having food for a day?

soon after seeing this thought i realize a couple of things. first, don't compare. just don't. it's toxic. if i had to compare, why don't i compare with my own progress, how far i have come. look at these gorgeous fruits. the plants bear fruits  in their own pace. do i ever say this makes one fruits better than the other?

second, to realize the self is a life goal. it is smart and wise to treat the body and mind in such a way that i can sustain doing the practices and study over the course of a lifetime. self-realization is not a quadrennial event with a fixed deadline.

thirdly, and sweetly, i don't have to wait until completely and irrevocably self-realized to enjoy the fruit.  on the contrary as i continue to do the practices regularly sweetness keep arising from within. the sweetness of strength, the sweetness of courage, the sweetness of contentment, that golden experience of being satisfied and fulfilled, tasting the priceless gem of love.