open mind draws grace

this supine meditation really works well for traveling. what i also realize is my intention for keeping a meditation practice has really come through strong and clear. what choice to make in the present moment becomes easier and more easeful. there is only one question to ask. does this take me away from my morning meditation? having asked that i look at how to go about it without driving others around me crazy. the guiding light for me is working with what i have and the trust that what i have is what i need. here's the kick. being open like that draws grace. the forces in the universe flow forth, like iron dust to magnet, to support me to move towards where i want to go. but i have to keep close connection with what's going on in the present moment. or else i won't see what i need to see. it doesn't mean there are no suspenseful twists and turns along the way. speed bumps so to speak. but, hey, who can plan out everything down to dots and tees and control everything so everything work out exactly accordingly?! case in point. hwubby thought through the travel plan from oakland to maine. then, wham, there's a widespread delay in denver. we waited four hours in the airport. we didn't arrive until 3am. the ride into town fell apart. we took a cab. throughout the whole thing i watch myself not getting upset a bit. i see that hwubby and i are having some precious time together. we are in the middle of nowhere. the mind is afloat in a deep sense of freedom. just like that, in a flash, i see the key points in a project i'm handling. i see a road map in the inner screen while watching a big, fat baby playing with his doughy toes. i smile. the bundle of pure lights smile back. we are one joy.

try whatever. play. see where it takes you.

i'm having an experience of the law of inertia. it takes a lot to get the action started. i need to do rewrites on the manuscript. i see resistance, fear, frustration, i'm way over my head, this is too much to handle, what am i thinking, the world doesn't need another novel, blah blah blah, popping up like whack-a-mole.

i confide in hwubby. he says, god is with you, i love you, you are great, keep breathing deep into your belly, feel your feet planted into the floor, the chair supporting you, then, this is important, set the timer to a session of 20 to 40 min, dive in, then get up for a 5 min pause, go out into the garden every so often.

so here i am in the beginning of the first session, sipping tea (yum cha), asking my inner self, where should i begin? open a new doc? or make a copy of the first chapter and use the 'tracking changes' feature? response comes quickly. try 'tracking changes'. try whatever. play. see where it takes you.

right away i realize i don't trust myself. in the words of my editor, lacking confidence. it's part and parcel of the old tendency of unworthiness, afraid of making mistakes, fear of getting lost.

enough of this. i've gotta move on. get out of my head and into the body. i know what to do. i'm not starting from a blank slate. i've already got plenty of good stuff. i am a wonderful writer. i'm building on what i have. dig in, suk wah.