ear of my heart

meditation is such a mystical process. how do i explain on the days when nothing much happens if i do not embrace this enveloping stillness that throb soundlessly. it is not a dead quiet. it is so alive. indeed it is this that i am irresistibly drawn to meditating day after day. it is this state that i strive to return to as i go about the worldly activity. and this is on days when nothing happens. what about today? wow. soon after i find myself immersed in the rich and full pulsation that ripple through my entire awareness i see these dancing lights. right away i relate to them. they remind me of the northern lights going wild over the pitch black sky above the swathe of penguins which are huddling together tightly. i watch molten streams of emeralds and jades shifting through patterns and formations in my own inner sky. after a while i hear this from the ear of my heart. take your time to come out. with that i embark on the journey of emerging from the depths of the field of my own true nature. it is kind of like coming up from the ocean deep. all in all i meditate one and a half hour today according to the clock and it doesn't feel long at all. i could have easily roamed some more in the pulsation of the moving breath if i were not also aware of the tasks ahead.

sacred bath. ocean of devotion

i practiced daily for a week to prepare for the role i am invited to play in the ancient ritual of bathing the statue of a saint. so i enter the temple with the expectation that the tray that i am about to pick up has the following five substances in the following order: honey, powdered sugar, yogurt, milk and ghee. it is not conducive to staying in the present moment that i have a sari drama right before this. the choli (sari top) laid out for me is too small. (i ruined my own the day before with an iron that is too hot.) the slip that i have is elastic. it has to be draw-stringed in order to hold up the nine yards of sari fabrics. so ten minutes before the ritual is scheduled to begin the sari specialist unwraps me and starts all over again with a proper slip.

anyhow, back to the moment when i lay my eyes on the tray and the first thought is, where is the honey? why is it not next to the powdered sugar? bang, wham, i am out of the present moment. i don't even know it. and so it goes in the next moment, and the next. until the event director steps in and starts giving me specific instructions. for a couple of moments the mind is still hanging onto what should have been instead of staying with what it is. in another word i am still not following the given instructions. then the event director, who has served in this role many, many times, does something inspiring and inspired. she says, with a clear and firm voice, suk wah, you are radiant, you are beautiful, have a good time. somehow some mystical alchemy clicks through. i am back in the moment. i settle into my own self. i have a great time coming from the heart.

the great being doesn't need the bath ritual. but, being devoted to seekers, the external ritual is yet another fantastic opportunity to guide seekers to turn inward, to roam in their hearts. a short while later, i watch two gorgeous ladies dressing the statue with one-pointed focus in the presence of a temple full of participants. the silence is grand and fresh. i gasp in awe as they place a garland of fresh flowers on him. it has three huge full-bloom gardenias hanging down his chest and a long necklace of tiny rose buds. i cannot imagine the many hours of work gone into this creation. the devotion driving it is inspiring and humbling all at once.

if i were to die right now...

let the mind become inseparable from the inner self. that's what comes to me as i contemplate on the question 'how do i know whether it's the heart or the mind talking?'

hwubby says, yeah, there's this voice that says you can do this, and then there's this voice that goes neah neah neah, and then you are pulled all over the place.

that's where meditation comes in. as far as i am concerned, it's only with a mediation practice that i'm more and more able to ground myself in the present. only then, when i am coming from that place i'm not mistaking mental noise for the voice of the inner self.

what if there's doubt? then i take a pause, turn attention to the breath, breathe in deep, breathe out long, and apply this question, if i were to die right now what would i wish i had done in this moment?

cuddle, huddle and snuggle. a hold-cation

awake to a long, fine exhalation. for as long as it lasts, the ocean sound and subtle motion in the breath is all that is in my consciousness.

aware of the completeness, aliveness that is soundlessly throbbing.

the mind is quiet, resting steady and still in the open heart. 

turn to hwubby. we cuddle, huddle and snuggle. our favorite activity, a hold-cation. a mini one but a hold-cation nonetheless.

our breaths effortlessly synchronize into each other. comforting and restful.

can't think of a better way to spend a saturday morning. the truth is, i'm not thinking. i go back to sleep and mmm. i love my beauty rest:)