i am a latkes, ayurveda way

when i realize we’ll be traveling during chanukah, the eight day jewish celebration of light and rededication, i think, o no, i’ll miss latkes and lighting the candles. well, that’s what i think. 

so, here’s a shout out to joseph, a thoughtful young man. when he hears hwubby and i are going to be in india during chanukah he immediately asks, in his pure, kind voice, are you going to light the menorah? hwubby pauses and says, uuuh, i don’t know how we can take the menorah. keep in mind that every jewish home keeps at least one menorah and most of them are not small or travel-friendly. i can guarantee that. anyway, back to joseph. he is quick. not missing a beat he says, you can get a travel menorah. gee, we didn’t think of that. and that’s what hwubby got. a mini menorah that comes with 44 mini candles. 

it so happens hwubby and i are on different panchakarma schedules. for instance, i drink ghee for three days and he for seven. why drink ghee? to dislodge and float toxins. physical toxins, say, from eating incompatible foods. emotional toxins, say, from holding on to resentment, guilt, worrying, you get the drill. it can be a long menu. then it’s onto the next step, to draw them into the intestines. then what? what else but out. and that’s really the core meaning of panchakarma, cleansing actions.

anyhow, back to chanukah in the ayurveda healing village. for the first few nights we light the candles in our room because by the time we both finish our treatments it’s past sundown and we are advised to stay indoors. but we really want to light the candles in the hall with everybody during the daily program. finally our unwavering wish bears fruit. on the fourth day of chanukah we both are bathed and refreshed before the program begins at sundown. we ask dr ramkumar if we could share the ritual with everybody. he is overjoyed. he says, that’s exactly what he wants this place to be, a place where people of all spiritual traditions can freely worship. this cool guy truly takes the meaning of healing village to the sublime level.

i look around me after the candles are lit. what do i see? one big family of shining faces. we all have the same smile, same devotion, same light. indeed we are all of the same light source.

as it turns out, during this period i have this treatment, for seven days, where they pour very warm oils all over me. lots of oil. pots of oil. i feel like a bright and beautiful latkes. in the words of our dear friend carmen, you have all the oils to make enough latkes for the whole world. really, i haven’t missed anything. rather, i have gained so much by realizing that there is this fascinating connectedness permeating everything. i can see it in everyone, everywhere when i keep the mind clear and open. 

connectedness. spiritual workout. twelve-step

of all the bad and negative emotions and feelings which is the most awful? for me it is loneliness. i am even feeling bursts of shame and embarrassment just becoming vaguely aware of the yucky things i did and said out of loneliness. anyway. last night as i sing om with fellow yogis in our regular gathering - i call it spiritual workout - very soon i hear my voice rising and ebbing with the group's sound. without any pre-arrangement we start a round at the same instant and enter the subtle resonance together. it's a great feeling. our inner selves merge into one conducting the flow of sound. the mind starts to look for a word to encapsulate it. it comes quickly. connectedness. then one insight flows out after another as i am carried aloft on this comforter of sacred sound. i am not alone. we come together as earnest seekers to help each other remember that. the outer connectedness shows me the way to connect with the inner self.

it helps too to have vito's pasta sauce made from home grown tomatoes and prepared in the real italian way.

then i recall a core operating principle of the twelve-step program. when people who truly want to make meaningful change come together we help each other to emerge from feeling isolated. little by little, over time, we reach out for support, guidance and, lo n behold, we see so much higher power already within us, always there, ready, willing and able to walk us step by step to become what we ought to be from where we are.

on the day before thanksgiving i feel so fortunate to have such abundant holy company. really, people who work hard on recovering their connection with higher power are great people to be with. and fun too. in their presence, each in his/her unique and wonderful way, i am reminded who and what i really am. above all, i no longer feel alone. and that is a priceless gift. thank you all.

meditating on loneliness

for me the most awful feeling is...drum roll please...loneliness. i can't even bring myself to recall the kinds of dumb, stupid things i do out of loneliness. but what i've come to realize through the light of meditation is this lonely feeling is really a twisted expression of yearning. the yearning to be connected. the yearning for the experience of connectedness with other human beings. but here's the thing. this connectedness i am looking for can be found only within me through meditation. all the wonderful and marvelous people in the world can trigger in me a fleeting experience of it and it is not because of them. what's going on is my mind quiets down and the light of the inner self shines forth. that is the true source of the experience of connectedness. but, aiya, i don't't see it for what it is. so i keep searching for the next right, perfect person. and the cycle goes on. until i seek within.

here's the miracle. once i am able to connect with my own inner self i find it so natural to connect with others. hwubby says, yeah, because you are not needy.

38 m+ 27 m, within, all around, all names are one.

sparks of prayers from the home sabbath at robin's place reverberates sweet and clear in my consciousness while i am relishing the ocean sound of the flowing breath.

within. all around. fill the universe. all names are one.

in a quiet way i am having an experience of this truth. a metaphor that my teacher and grand-teacher use on more than one occasion comes to me.

walk into a gold store. look around. everything is made of gold. in all kinds of sizes, shapes. though different in forms, all the objects you see are made of the same stuff. while each is a unique creation all are essentially the same. a translucent gold leaf weighs little whereas a wedding dragon-and-phoenix bracelet weighs heavy around the bride's wrist, they are, really, simply gold. so appreciate the variety while not losing sight of the sameness in all.

aaahhh, this is the underlying connectedness of all creatures and things.  in a subtle way i sense the outgoing breath, that is holding my body steady, merging into the invisible life force upholding all that are around me. a sense of supreme safety and security fills me.

then a question arises with another long and fine exhalation. what is consciousness?

silence pursues. sweet stillness pervades my awareness.

another metaphor from my grand-teacher infuses me through an incoming breath.

it's like the canvas that holds the painting in place. except in this case, the canvas is also the painter.

i can feel this is too much for the mind to wrap around.

then i remember an anecdote about einstein. he was asked during a dinner, what is relative theory? he says, 2 fleas living on the back of an elephant want to describe this place called 'elephant.' they think hard and come up with these: grey as far as their eyes can see and beyond, hard, bumpy...and scary.

and then i am filled with one of my favorite sabbath practice: to locate myself on planet earth. it is about one millionth in size of the sun. it is one of the many planets in a galaxy. now the scientists say there are at least one hundred billion galaxies out there.

wow. my state of consciousness flip into one of amazement, awe and joyous wonder. how fortunate i am to be part of all this, all this and all this. my mind still cannot wrap around it all but i feel fantastic.

soon i feel a distinct lift and leap within. i recognize it for for it is. this is upliftment. my state of consciousness is now a little bit better in holding the infinite vastness and staying grounded at the same time. the old tendency of seized with anguish about life is getting a little weaker.

i feel lightened and totally ready to come out of meditation.