residual tendency is like bamboo roots

my editor says, i want you to feel really, really free, you don't have to be clear, you will eventually get there. her words shine a light on another of my deep-rooted habitual tendency. fear of getting lost.

really. i thought i already got over that one. so it is very frustrating to realize that there are still remnants hanging around the mind. then a true experience comes to me. when we bought the house there were bamboos in the yard. we knew nothing about bamboos. it looked nice as it was. so we let it be. then, one day, after several years, i was alarmed to notice some bamboo shoots above ground across the pebble path separating the bamboo pad and the flower bed in the back center of the yard. hwubby immediately called his buddy whose wife owned a bamboo nursery. she said, this kind of bamboo have roots that run, literally. we had a barrier put in exactly according to her instructions. when it was all done she said, suk wah, there will still be bamboo shoots appearing above ground in the coming seasons. i said, what can i do to stop it? she said, keep your eyes open, nib them as soon as you catch them. i said, how long will it go on like that? she said, it's going to be a while. well, it's been another several years. i am still spotting bamboo tendrils.

why am i remembering this right now? aaaah. because deeply-rooted habits and patterns are like bamboo roots. i have worked to eliminate the bulk of it but remnants remain. the only way to take care of them is to be vigilant and nib them in the bud as soon as i am aware of them. what does 'nib them in the bud' mean? for me it is returning attention to the sound and movement of the easy breath. that is the sure and guaranteed way for me to reconnect with the inner self which is pure and free, the source of all creative sparks.

i recognize inner self in everybody

awake i am this morning to this happy feeling. no particular reason. simply happy. i get even happier as i get closer to meditate. dare i say i get excited just thinking about meditation? twenty years ago if someone said, there's a place within you that has so much joy, so much courage, strength, so much good stuff, i would roll my eyes and say, yeah, right, really.

not anymore.

today no sooner than i place the legs into an easy lotus posture i see this uplifting, light feeling streaming and swelling from the lower body up. i get it. this is the sense of freedom. this is priceless. this is what i really am. the inner self. hwubby says, yeah, i just feel the sense that i am god and it's so humbling. indeed. it is from this place that i recognize this inner self in everybody.