before and after

it was a precarious moment. i am just about sitting down, after going to bed late, to meditate when i see a tsunami of habitual tendency rolling in fast: getting up everyday, clean my mouth and then do this and that, if it's not one thing it's another, and then what? and then i die. it's just...so pointless. o yes, i can see the mind going down a slippery slope fast. Just then, another habit kicks in. the habit of meditating regularly. while i am watching this mental activity happening by default, i keep gently bringing my attention back to the sound and movement of my steady breathing. it's not so hard to do it anymore because i've put in so much effort over a long time. in another word, i am no longer caught up in the mental stuff. in stead, the breath takes me to that place in me where sweetness, contentment as well as courage and strength come from. 

by the time i come out of meditation i am ready again for another day of joy and challenges.