Wednesday, October 9, 2013

day after yom kippur. pujari. teshuva.

fasted on yom kippur. all day service. got up next morning, sunday, at 3, meditated, chanted rudram, went to ashram to prep for pujari seva, chanted guru gita with sangham. then, ta-da, hwubby came with some family to see me wave the light in temple. such joy.

it's been kind of like this. longer and deeper meditation. loving rudram more and more everyday. stabilizing into a groove of rewrites on the novel. all while handling worldly affairs and in a state of happiness. just like my name. sukh. in sanskrit it means 'happy place.'

the other day someone sent feedback to hwubby, that something i said and did made her uncomfortable. i didn't feel offended at all. i didn't feel the need to defend. instead i had this surge of, for the lack of a better word, compassion. inwardly i sent blessings to this person. outwardly i discussed with hwubby what i ought to do. quickly i came to conclusion that i would, thru hwubby, let this person know how apologetic i am that i have done and said something that has upset her and that it has never been my intention to cause her any discomfort in any way.

the truth of the matter is, nothing anybody says or does can add or take away what i am. i am the wonderful, happy self that is fearless, resilient and ablaze.  that is the truth. that is the truth. that is the truth.

just as the scientists don't know what caused big bang, what created gravity and what makes the physical universe all still hanging together i will never know how exactly panchakarma works on a biochemical and physiological level. but it's all right. i feel such growing gratitude for being part of all this. i thank gravity for grounding me. i am so thankful for being led to vaidyagram where i can experience the benefits resulting from the deep meditation of rishis from five thousand years ago. if it were not for the trust in my guru i would never have landed in this place populated by brilliant and dedicated ayurveda doctors, therapists and staff. to me that is divine gravity working. i am drawn towards that which i long for. that which helps me move towards moksha, liberation.

i so enjoy waving the flame to the seat of the guru, to bade baba, to baba. i thank them for showing me my own flame and how to keep it burning high clean and pure. let's crack that coconut and keep grace flowing.

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