a life of goodness. going in peace.

i awake in night. it is just before 3, the onset of the golden hours for meditation. for a while i lie in the velvet darkness and relish the exquisite sweetness. by the way, vaidyagrama is a hospital/ashram. the daily prayers, periodical pujas and the devotion of the people who work here have pervaded the grounds with this tranquil, beautiful energy. every particle in the atmosphere shimmers with the intention to heal, body and mind. what about the spirit? well, the spirit is ever present, ever conscious and ever pure. ayurveda says it's the boy and mind that are to be healed and this place is a high-power microscope that can reveal conditions that you were not even aware before. and, may i say, emotions and thought patterns that  are unpleasant to face.

anyhow, back to me. where am i? yes, lying in the dark.  i notice something fascinating. i have no grasp on where i am in the physical world. neither do i feel anxious to find out. there is just no need to do so. the sensation is paradoxical. i am in the middle of nowhere and yet i am everywhere. I am not of any physical location. rather, i am watching all corners while being steeped within a vast, deep space, the space of my own being. it is exquisite. it is delicious. it is quiet joy. i know this is what ‘at peace’ means. there’s nowhere else to be. there’s nothing to want. i am contented to be where and how i am. my attention rides with the gentle flow of the breath. i feel utterly free, so light, removed from cares and sorrows and pleasures and praise. i am one. i am all. adonai eloheinu. adonai echad. god is all. god is one. this is the truth. universal truth. i find the truth in the shema prayer. i find it in the vedas. above all, i find it right within my own being.

after another while i received another msg from within. email hong kong to check in.

fast forward to later in the day. a email from hong kong. my stepfather passed on. what time? about the time when i awoke. he lived a life of goodness and always doted on me,  or dare i say, indulged me. so i am not surprised that as his soul was leaving the body he so generously bestows upon me the experience of being not attached to this bag of flesh and fluids and poop. in all his 82 years he expressed his love for me through food. at the moment when he was released from this life he feeds me with the most fulfilling food, a yummy experience of tasting who i am. thanks so much, ah shuk.

and a big thank you to vaidyagrama for bestowing upon me the condition possible for me to receive it. priceless.