Saturday, March 3, 2012

my mother and her 'son'

meet my mother's 'son.' seriously. somehow i've noticed that there's some sort of a thing in the likeness of  my mother playing favorites. for instance. she cooks a meal. i show up in her place. i look at the food and i am drooling. all my faves. smoky and juicy pork chop with caramelized onion. ginger and spring onion chicken. minced beef cake with water chestnut. shittake  and chinese  broc. milky white fish soup slightly tinted with the tangy taste and color of tomato. by the way you cannot make such a soup with those big and expensive soup. it has to be a lot of small, bony fish that are cheesecloth wrapped and cooked briskly so that literally all the tender flesh seamlessly blend into the soup. anyway, where am i? yes, sibling rivalry. i can't wait to start eating. she says, where's son-in-law? i say, he has other plans. i'm not kidding. i immediately see her face clouded over with disappointment. as if that's not enough to show her love for her new 'son' she takes the pork chop away. i say, what is this, am i chopped liver? she says, you can't eat all this. i say, why not.

all kidding aside i realize i do have this attention deficit disorder since i was born. since i was the first child and first grandchild. so by the time my sis came along and then other cousins, i just didn't know how to handle the situation where i was no longer the only adorable baby in the universe. suddenly it appeared to me that all the aunties and uncles had other bundles to hover around and i was supposed to act like a mature, responsible grown up.

now even that, i realize it's a perception that came out of my sense of separateness from my highest and innermost self. really. other babies came along but nobody ever took away their love from me. nobody can ever take away the love that ever dwells in my own heart. nobody and nothing can diminish who i am. well, if it were not for my meditation practice i don't think i would ever have come to this understanding.

so i am truly happy to see the aging parents revel in their big 'son.' after all when they are happy it makes my life a whole lot easier. :)

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