breakthrough from awful fax episode.

millions of lives can be lived. but for what purpose if there's no breakthrough. so true. the wisdom humming in this garland of words have been in the forefront of my awareness as i observe silence this week. by the way, a big shout out to hwubby who wholeheartedly and unconditionally supports my doing so. thanks to emails we still get done what need to be taken care of. anyhow, no sooner than i emerge from sweet silence than i receive a phone call from a lawyer with whom we are going through litigation. in an angry and authoritative tone she says, you are faxing me one hundred twenty eight pages of nothing, stop it right now. the thing, i did attempt to fax her office this morning, seven am, a few hours prior to her call. but the fax didn't go through for some reason. in the heat of her moment, i check in with my higher self. i say, i'm sorry, i have no idea what happened. then i call the fax provider. after forty five minutes i am reassured again and again that no fax has gone out of my account today. the earlier attempt failed. while i am on the phone with the supervisor - yes, i already escalated the situation to a higher level - the same lawyer calls again. she cries, it is happening again, another one hundred and twenty-eight pages. i hear my voice staying even and i say, i'm so sorry what you're going through, i've been on the phone with the provider for forty-five minutes, no fax had gone out from my account today, they're trying to figure out what's going on. fair to say she doesn't hang up a happy camper. after another fifteen minutes and some long holds the fax provider says, ask her to shut off the fax machine for a moment. at this point, call me chicken or whatever, i get hold of hwubby who is up to his eyeballs in a deadline and give him a heads up of what's going on. hey, when it involves lawyers in this country i would err on the side of caution. what a great guy he is. hwubby says, let me call her and cancel this fax account right away. so i do. hwubby calls me and says, she gets on the phone, keeps saying i don't have time to talk to you, she would have spent less time taking in what i have to say than saying she has no time to talk to me, she's not going to shut off the fax machine and hangs up on me, so i call back and leave the info with her secretary.

so why am i rehashing all this? because millions of lives can be lived but for what purpose if there's no breakthrough? so what's my breakthrough here? i am stunned to see that the moment this lawyer says, you are faxing all these pages to me, i right away take it as my fault, that i have done something wrong. now that is such an old, old conditioning. once i see that nothing this lawyer says, or anything anybody says for that matter, kicks me off balance. is the situation awful? sure. do i have to do what i can to resolve this? you bet. but, at the end of the day, the activity log is not showing any pages transmitted from my account and she is not willing to turn off the fax for just a moment, what can i do? nothing. but you know what. i see myself sending her blessings. i wish her at peace with her self, with the fax machine.