inner self is the one constant through yo-yos

awakened from a dream of gripping anxiety, all about getting lost, can't find my way home. it feels so real that i forget that it's not real.

meditation this morning is bright, clear and a deep sense of security. looking at the dream from this state i realize all those times when i was caught up in worry and fear in their whole range of shapes and sizes i forgot that they were all but dreams. the one who is aware of the dream is the one who is watching this meditation. my own inner self is the one constant through all the yo-yos.

i come out of meditation bursting into my favorite song after torah study meal. 'the entire world is a narrow bridge. the main thing is not to fear at all.' halleluja.

connecting heaven and earth

just when i think i am done with the residual tendency of pride and inadequacy...boom, here they come again. my editor says, you must connect heaven and earth...as it is it feels like 2 separate books. i see a sinking feeling in the belly. i thought i had worked hard to blend them. now what? what am i going to do? how am i going to do it? i don't think i....and so on and so forth. blah blah blah.

after a little while, not days or weeks, it is clear to me that there is an inner turnaround happening within. my attention is being drawn to the sound and motion of the breath like iron dust to magnet. it's like my awareness is a giant yo-yo. but instead of getting stuck in wild swings that go nowhere the downward momentum comes to a pause at the end of a swing cycle. and then a lift appears. it takes my awareness onward and upward in a steady manner. the yo-yo string of habitual tendency is broken.

do i know what to do? nope. not yet. do i know how to get there from here? nope. not yet. but i know i will. this is what happens, and shall happen, when i stay connected to my own inner self. keep meditating, suk wah.