good shabbos ride.

can i get things going in the way i would like? rarely. but here's the fantastic wonder i have come to see. if and when i can pass beyond unmet expectation, stay in the present while keeping eye gently on the goal, i experience marvels that i didn't see coming. this is a fresh addition to this priceless understanding.

friday morning i begin to call the usual suspects to arrange a ride to the rabbi's house for shabbat celebration. as the day goes on i'm more or less sucked into the goings on that pull me in ten thousand directions. by the time it strikes me that i haven't got any return calls from the shabbat ride buddies. it is already five pm. for a short while i have this thought. maybe this is the sign i should stay home tonight, it has been a long and rattling day. and then i hear something else. noah's story. go through directory. on the spot i feel an upsurge of enthusiasm. yes, i want to study noah's story.

i pick up the shul's directory, finger through the membership one by one. attention is one-pointedly focusing on who might be going and passing through my way. gotcha. ann. i call ann. she says, yeah, i'm coming but i'm not driving, louise is picking me up. i call louise. she says, i can pick you up but i don't know i will stay all the way. i say, once i am there i know i can find a ride home. i'm not kidding. there were times rabbi would ask me, while people are leaving, in a volume that is loud enough to fill the ears of anyone in the room, suk wah, do you have a ride home? and, believe you me, if i hadn't had a ride fixed by then someone would step up.

where am i? o yes. so louise shows up on time to pick me up. her husband marvin is driving. ann and i are in the back seat. louise says, suk wah, do you know how to get to the freeway? i say, no, let me call hwubby. well, he doesn't pick up the call. louise, ever so kind, says, it's all right, we'll go the other way. momentary pause ensues. she says, it's all right, i just don't get to do it the way i would like. i burst into a chuckle. i say, you're spot on, louise. that is the secret to living and it has been my experience this entire day. everybody laugh. my eyes swipe around the lovely dusk lights in the distant horizon above the berkeley silhouette. a bright understanding shines through me. i say, but i can say i have no doubt that things always turn out even better i plan, look, this person and that person did not return my calls and now i get to spend some quality time with you. by the way it is so true. louise and marvin have another home in hawaii. they and ann live in the city. i rarely go into the city. we really don't get to spend  time with each other except on high holidays, celebrations and torah study.

not only do i get to spend some delightful time talking and laughing with them i take the opportunity to ask their advice on some delicate matter i have to take care properly and i get it. o yes, this is another great one. i say, i need to run a situation by you guys. they all go in sync, oy vay. i describe the specifics. they take it seriously. they take it seriously. they ask clarifying questions. when all is said and done, i say, thank you, now the problem is no more. ann, who is always filled with bright vitality, says, with deniable authority, no, this is not a problem. louise agrees. i say, hey, you are supposed to guilt me. louise says, no, we are on a higher jewish path. am i fortunate or what to have such fabulous jewish pals.

as i bathe in gratitude i recall this old, wide known joke. if you want to make god laugh tell him/her your plan. the sparkling truth pouring from it fill my heart. good shabbos to all.

stay close to yhvh. yhvh takes care of the rest.

so happy to be able to go to women's torah study. haven't been there for a long while. this is a unique tradition in our congregation. it started more than a decade ago when a female congregant was hit by a bus. she was in hospital for quite a while. i wasn't in the congregation yet. so this is all story to me. but what a beautiful, moving story. a group of women organized shabbas at her bedside. when she was able to get out of bed, she said she missed going to torah study. the women said then torah study will come to you. since then she has recovered marvelously and the women torah study tradition stay on. i gotta say this is the setting where i was really encouraged to speak up. it's a different flavor from studying with the rabbi. really readings of the scripture from the lenses of a whole range of life experiences. usually i am just absorbed in taking in the menu of views and comments and shares. then we have a potluck meal. it always turns out to be a delicious, abundant spread. today as i taste the fresh, sweet tomato direct from farmers market i realize this is what freedom is truly is. that i can pursue a spiritual path tailored for me, receiving the best of so many traditions. i am truly fortunate.

i have forgotten to mention these women step up to help and support me throughout hwubby's taxi hit episode. prayers. blessings. practical help. therefore it's my own experience that i do whatever i have to do to stay close to yhvh and yhvh will take care of the rest.

friend on the path. two rabbis.

a friend and i are walking to her car after an event. almost eleven at night. i kind of see a figure approach us and say, you have any change. both of us don't have a dime with us. she says, no, we don't have any money. a little while later, my friend says, can i ask you a question? i say, yeah. she says, were you ignoring that guy or am i wrong? my mind goes blank for a brief moment. then i watch some resistance appear. weak. not strong. i take a look at it and say to my friend, yes, you are correct. we go on to discuss it a little bit. my friend is nonjudgmental. she is as kind and funny and alive as she always is. in such presence all that tendency to defend myself dissipate into the cool night air. i can see how when some one on the street approaches me for money the mind kicks habitually into thoughts like he/she is going to use this for alcohol, cigarettes, whatever and i am not going to be an enabler for that. here i am, the day after, coming out of meditation i see something else. my reaction has to do with poverty consciousness. then i remember something. two days ago i attended a teaching event from a fantastic rabbi. she speaks about the joy of service, serving in joy. among the gems she gave out is this one. in any moment when you can give, choose to give. as i recall these words it dawns on me that i have always had fear and resistance in giving. in all kinds of ways i would hold back while the mind churns up seemingly justifiable excuses.

on the drive home my friend tells me this story. a person stops a rabbi and asks for money. rabbi says, this is shabbos, i don't have any money on me, i'll give you my address, you come after shabbos, i'll give you some money. the person does show up. the rabbi gives him money. the person shows up again. and again. and again. and the rabbi begins teaching him. what do i learn from this story? the first thought i see going through the mind is, o, no, that's dangerous. gee, i can see i have a lot of self-inquiry to do on this one. to be continued. what i do know for sure is this. the rabbi is steeped in a place of fearlessness which is none other than the source of compassion and kindness and generosity. what the rabbi does is right for the rabbi. what i want is not to imitate the action mechanically but to keep anchoring myself in that place within me and from that place i will know what is the right action for me in whatever situation in that moment.

how lucky to have such a friend on the path.