one hundred billion galaxies within. 45 m + 23 m

here's an old, old recurring tendency of mine. it goes like this. i don't have meditation experiences, i don't have good meditations. why? i don't have visions, i don't see lightnings and thunderbolts, and so on and so forth. the most devastating version is something like, man, i can't sit for so many minutes, there's no way i can sit through this.

and so it is today i see a whiff of restlessness passing through my awareness. but no sooner than i catch it i become acutely aware of the steady breathing movement and the response of the chest to it.