teaching from porcupine

here i am enjoying my lunch, yapping away with my hostess/buddy clara on the back porch that is surrounded by jeffrey pines that infuse the ether with fresh butterscotch and vanilla. speaking of my lunch i am so happy that i manage to triage the soup i made for dinner. it was a disaster. too much spice. no. as a matter of fact, it's just spice water. awful. i must be out of my mind after that dip into the cold alpine lake in the sky. fortunately we have lois with us. she is this creative, fantastic cook that can really think on her feet. she cheerfully gets me some vegetable bouillon. i throw in tons of veggies, potato, carrot, peas. splash in lime juice. and a refreshing, hearty summer soup is born.

so there i am slurping and swinging my toes when, all of a sudden, i see something strange moving in the shade in front of my sightline, just a few trees away. my first thought is, this is a big fat black cat. it can't even walk like a cat. it shuffles rather than walks. i don't have distance glasses on. after a few moments i just cry out, what is that? clara turns around because this weird thing is behind her. after examining it for a few seconds she exclaims, that's a porcupine.

both of us have never seen a porcupine till now. but clara knows a lot more than i do about porcupines. it turns out this porcupine must have been sleeping under the porch and found us too loud. poor thing. i am just trying to get a little nap and these loud mouths just won't leave me in peace. as i watch this adorable creature slowly making its way across the gentle shady slope i can't help but admire its contentment and confidence. it doesn't even spend moment to look back at what's the cause of its misery. it keeps trodding forward one step at a time until it disappears underneath the next house which is totally in the shade. so focused. so one-pointed. so fearless. if i pursue my spiritual practices the way this porcupine gets to its siesta place i could be self-realized this lifetime for sure.

i never know where divine guidance might come from. seriously. really have to keep my eye and ear open.

i want to be a carbon copy of avraham

there i said it. and i will say it again and again. whatever avraham stands for i want that. i feel so close to him. on many levels. i left where i was born and raised, crossed the ocean and settled in a foreign land. so when i learned that the first direct command avraham received from god is, go forth, leave your mother-and-father's land, i recognize the avraham in me.

avraham is devoted enough to circumcise at eighty-nine and, at the same time, confident enough to negotiate with god when god says, i want to destroy all the people in sodom. i want to become that.

and i have my own two-cents on the binding-son episode. from my simple, and others may consider simplistic, point of view, avraham realizes that his only son doesn't belong to him. god gave him this child and god can take it away. why? i don't know. i have come to the place that i accept that it's not for me to question and judge but to embrace what it is as it is and deal with it wholeheartedly with calm and clarity without attachment and letting go of the thoughts that say, this is mine, that is mine. and so it is i want to be a carbon copy of avraham.

try whatever. play. see where it takes you.

i'm having an experience of the law of inertia. it takes a lot to get the action started. i need to do rewrites on the manuscript. i see resistance, fear, frustration, i'm way over my head, this is too much to handle, what am i thinking, the world doesn't need another novel, blah blah blah, popping up like whack-a-mole.

i confide in hwubby. he says, god is with you, i love you, you are great, keep breathing deep into your belly, feel your feet planted into the floor, the chair supporting you, then, this is important, set the timer to a session of 20 to 40 min, dive in, then get up for a 5 min pause, go out into the garden every so often.

so here i am in the beginning of the first session, sipping tea (yum cha), asking my inner self, where should i begin? open a new doc? or make a copy of the first chapter and use the 'tracking changes' feature? response comes quickly. try 'tracking changes'. try whatever. play. see where it takes you.

right away i realize i don't trust myself. in the words of my editor, lacking confidence. it's part and parcel of the old tendency of unworthiness, afraid of making mistakes, fear of getting lost.

enough of this. i've gotta move on. get out of my head and into the body. i know what to do. i'm not starting from a blank slate. i've already got plenty of good stuff. i am a wonderful writer. i'm building on what i have. dig in, suk wah.