mental tornadoes

the mind has been in a kind of tornado state in the last couple of few days. i see these horrific devastation in oklahoma and missouri. i send prayers and blessings. apparently medical records from a hospital are being found in chaotic debris piles sixty miles from where they are filed originally. go figure. it dawns on me that in a bizarre way this is kind of what's going on in me. one wave after another is created because of resistance, lack of understanding and the inability to surrender. i am being struck by each wave. may i be washed clean. let there be breakthrough at the peak of such intense experience. let me recognize the fingerprints of fierce grace.  a young boy in missouri, sitting on the bare foundation of what used to be his home, says, we'll rebuild, it'll be better. such shining optimism.

this morning in meditation i watch the swirling funnels of energy hitting me again and again with thoughts, emotions, trying to suck me in. blah blah blah. at the same time i realize i am not caught up in it. it's like i am in deep outer space looking at some inter-planetary kung fu action against the backdrop of the vast, serene cosmos. the theater of action is just a dust particle in the limitless cosmic palace. i realize my inner being has the space and strength to hold all the tornadoes that were, are and will be, and a lot more. i am so awesome. really. while in this state i hear a message from the depths of the inner self. surrender into the present moment, surrender into your own greatness. indeed as long as i can fully plunge into the present moment in a sustained manner my own greatness can shine forth. on a practical level i know what this inner weather is about. i am hitting a snag in organizing the book. this round i am not writing in a sort of free flow, stream of consciousness manner as i did before. this time around it has to be, to a certain point, deliberate and purposeful while preserving the playfulness and spontaneity. i have to bring together two worlds, that of the chinese immortals and humans living here and now. moreover i realize i am not writing literature as i know it. i am really writing, for the lack of a better category, a teaching story. bottom line is the mind has to shift gear. part of me is really in fear, still not letting go of the entrenched writing habits.

afraid that i have set too tall an order. afraid that i can't pull it off. all this and all this have to go. the process is frightening. and yet i know in the end i will see that all this is grace, all this is grace and all this is grace. and so i keep going and staying put in my inner self as mental tornadoes ferociously strike me. i must finish what i have started.

holiness in action

yhvh says in torah, be holy. what is holy? the question reverberates in me as i tune in to the day's news. and there they are. galaxies of strangers shining in devastated places in tornado hit region. they see what happens. they are moved to come. no one forces them to do it. no one pays them to do it. they roll up their sleeves. they open their purses. their faces shine like the sun. their eyes sparkle like stars. i realize i am watching holiness in action. the sense of separateness dissolve. that which is sacred in me sees that which is sacred in each and everyone of them.