maharaj tai tai

what is this?  where am i? let me back up a little. as i type this i am cooped up in a cubicle in an internet cafe in pune, india. not from my computer. how long have i been in india? feels like lifetimes when it's, really, the fifth day. we're staying in this nice, airy and spacious apartment on the fourth floor. a roof-top terrace outside the bedroom. my hostess, sadhana, says, people ask me, who are these people from america staying in your daughter's apartment, her classmates in university? graduate school? her colleagues? or relatives? i say, no, no, no, my daughter says i go to see their house for renting, we talk, they are such good people, you'll like them, mother. just like that we end up staying with this wonderful family. i must confess when kanchan, sadhana's daughter, shows up at my door i was scratching my head and pulling hair trying to figure out how to get to satara to visit my brahmin priest, vivek, the person in white garb who is between me and hwubby in the pix. satara is six to seven hours by car from mumbai and pune is midway between them. that much i know. since i don't know anyone in pune i think i have to go straight to satara from mumbai. i have no idea how to do that. how do i get a trustworthy driver who knows how to get to where i want to go and at a reasonable price? not to mention i have a hard time trying to understand english with a heavy indian accent. i am sure the indian on the other end of the line feels the same about understanding english with chinese accent. at one point when i am feeling exasperation spilling over my eyeballs i say to myself and hwubby, maybe it is not meant to be to visit the brahmin's school. hwubby says, but you want to go to vivek's school. i do. vivek is a much loved and respected brahmin priest. he has dedicated his life to preserving and spreading the ancient, timeless and timely wisdom and teachings of vedas, the hindu scriptures, the equivalent of torah in judaism, only two thousand years older. he sets up this school, takes in young boys. they live and study with him. they milk cows, look at stars and planes, and learn the scriptures. it is a way of life. they live and breathe the teachings. it moves me to tears to see these little children loudly reciting the sutras that have endured thousands of years with their fresh and vibrant young voices. so, yes, i do want to visit vivek's school. it is always wonderful and marvelous to be around people who are into the upliftment of humanity and to do it with so much joy. yes, vivek is a lot of joy to be with. so you can't imagine how thrilled i am when kanchan offers me, practically a stranger in her life, to stay in her home in pune. and check this out. her mother, sadhana, has a car and driver whose sister lives in satara. so he knows his way around. on top of all this, it turns out sadhana and vivek has connections that go way back. when vivek was doing advanced studies he went to benares and stayed with someone in sadhana's family. his teacher likes to play with sadhana the little girl. vivek therefore knows all of sadhana's family in benares. what does all this mean? i am reaping the benefits. hwubby and i are being taken care of like maharaj. i have anointed myself to be a maharaj tai tai. tai tai is the chinese name for a wife who is used to being pampered and spoiled. i have no problem with that. we have a sublime time in vivek's school. he and six brahmin priests perform a beautiful ritual to bless hwubby's forthcoming book. we are divinely happy and grateful.

wonderful niece teaches her aunt

hwubby says, agnes has an important question for you. so i turn to my fabulous and cool twelve-year-old niece and says, fire away. with a slight smile that carries a lot of thoughtfulness agnes says, what is meditating? picture this. we are having indian food. we and my chinese family. we are sipping chai, mango lassi,  gobbling up tandoori prawn, mutton curry, slow cooked spinach in homemade indian cheese, three-time baked pork ribs, chicken masala, dipping fresh naan and paratha into chutney and curry, and so on and so on. when it's time to leave, there's no leftover whatsoever. that's how great the food is. i say to tommy, my cousin, at one point, india and china, the countries of the twenty-first century, we sure have the best of all the worlds. okay, back to agnes. anyway before i utter a sound her mother answers my burning question, what brings her to ask me this? well, it is really sweet. agnes wants to get me a gift. she knows i like to meditate. so she wants to get me a gift about meditating. and thereby the question. i stop eating and gaze into her young, fresh and earnest face. i say, it's a form of focusing. and here comes the dialogue.

focusing, focusing on something you like. oh. what do you like to do, agnes? i like drawing. well, when you are drawing, you are paying attention, you are focusing on the drawing, that's a form of meditating, and for me i focus on my own true nature and divine presence. what do you do in meditating? i get up at four, have a hot drink, brush teeth, shower, do some stretches, then sit down and meditate for one and a half hour, i sit quietly, watch my breath. how do you watch your breath? well, it's actually more like paying attention to the breath moving in and out. we are always breathing, aren't we? yes, we are, agnes but we may not be paying attention to it.

her illuminating question sends me deeper than ever in meditation today. at some point as i revel in the quiet bliss of my own true nature this comes to me. since little i have always wanted to attain perfection. i tried on my own. didn't work. i looked here and there. couldn't find a satisfying answer. so i began to look for someone who can show me how to do that. it was not an easy search. eventually i found a teacher. she knows a lot about perfection. she teaches me this. perfection is something you already have inside you. it's who you really are. to know perfection, to experience perfection, to live in the state of perfection you have to meditate regularly. and so i meditate everyday.

really. i never know from whom i can learn something. a child with her pure heart can always teach me something important. keep an open mind, eye and ear. hey, thank you, my fabulous and cool niece.

i need to keep the schedule

so much going on. so much unexpected twists and turns. all the more necessary for me to keep up with the schedule of spiritual practices. i need to keep the schedule. morning meditation and guru gita are must. only then i can stabilize and strengthen the mind in the understanding and awareness of who and what i am and not getting swept into the seesaw of emotions, thoughts and feelings, within me and in others. not the least is the pressures from all directions saying, you must do this, you ought to do that, no, you are wrong, you shouldn't ask this or do that. blah blah blah. this is the opportunity to cultivate standing up and speaking up for myself in hwubby and my highest and best interests while working through the system of rules and counting our fortunes. on that note, how about this one? i come out of meditation, prepare breakfast. ginger tea and a slice of toast. this is no ordinary toast. my gracious and generous host karun makes this phenomenal bread from sprouted organic grains, incl wheat berries, rye, millet, and mung beans. the loaf is covered with flax seeds. every slice is a meal in itself. a bite into it and i feel the body say, i love it.

i'm a saint-in-training

what's my occupation? it comes down to this. what do i want to be? i want to be fully-realized. so what about fully-realized wannabee? that's a possibility. the other day i found out, from my facebook fellow yogi that a holy man in india listed on his hospital chart for his occupation: saint. really, this can only happen in india when practicing saintliness is acceptable as an occupation. anyhow a spark goes off inside me. that's it. 'saint-in-training' is what i'll put down on my hospital chart. or any chart. why can't i aspire to be a saint?! yes, i can. in fact, i am going to put it on my facebook profile.

wrong bus get me to where i want to go

i'm really getting better at staying connected with the inner self. how do i know that for sure? i went through a test yesterday. here's how it went down. i take a bus to bread of india, a restaurant, for a party only to find out upon arrival that it's closed. hwubby is out of town. i call him. it turns out that it's the bread of india on the other side of town. hwubby says, take a cab. i say, no, i love to chant and eat with a bunch of yogis but i don't want to take a cab. i start calling a couple of people to see if i could get a ride only to reach voice greetings. then hwubby calls me back, why don't you find out if this bus takes you to somewhere near there? i look up the route map at the stop. it looks like the bus goes to 9th street and the restaurant is on 10th street. finally the bus arrives. i hop on, ask the driver, does this go to 10th, or clay? she says, where do you want to go? i say, 10th and clay. she says, i'll let you know. i have no idea what that means. i thank her, sit down, call hwubby again. he says, ask her, does she go to broadway? so i do. the lady pauses momentarily, says, i go to broadway, i go to 11th and clay. i say, wow, perfect, you make my day.

when i get off the bus it's just five seconds from the restaurant. i walk into the opening hymn that invokes grace. we chant our hearts out, work up the appetite for a fantastic indian meal. how fantastic? the nann bread, which has wheat, is so good i can eat it without having headache.

as i reflect on the trip i see i go through the twists and turns without getting all worked up. in fact i am able to stay with the changes in a calm and open way. and calm is the nature of the inner self. when hwubby suggests the thing about the bus i hear the mind yapping and yapping, a bus is not a cab, it's not going to get you where you want to go, forget it. i remember watching all this and having the sense that these are just thoughts, judging, limiting thoughts, really. i say, you're not in the driver seat of my life anymore. i'm determined to stay in the moment. and the inner self always dwells in the present moment. i refuse to go with the limiting thoughts because the inner self is the possibility of all possibilities.