39 + 46

a gush of worrying thoughts before sitting into easy sidasana. then watch the thunderstorm of mental activity slow down and thin out as i ease into the soothing rhythm of the breath. now i could see what i couldn't while caught up in the mental thicket. wow, it's so simple, how come i didn't see it before. the last trace of worry dissipates and i continue the journey along the river of ease. it's 46 min over but it feels a lot shorter.

simple life

yes, my life is simple. for instance, all i want in the morning is a cup of chai and a bowl of oatmeal. but i have particular needs. chai has to be made from scratch (no, i don't grow the spices, i'm not that particular. not yet.) fresh, of course. and has to be hot enough. piping hot. a lukewarm chai is unhappy chai. oatmeal has to be steel cut, if not whole. rolled oats doesn't cut. instant oatmeal. don't even bring it up.

one recent sunday morning, in the ashram, i was fine-tuning the temperature of my chai at the microwave, 10 sec at a time, when i spotted an indian guy standing a few feet behind me, mug in hand. our eyes met. he said, it has to be just right, or else it's miserable.

i couldn't agree more and returned to my, hopefully, final adjustment. hmmm, no, give it 5 more sec.

see what happens

for most of my adult life and before i could put a strong meditation practice in place i was in constant anguish, desperately wishing for some solution that could put my whole life firmly in place down to the dots and tees once and for all.

during that time, one of the phrases that i heard people throw around that really, really bothered me was : see what happens. i was like, i don't want to see what happens, i want to know what will happen, RIGHT NOW.

i have finally found the cure, anchoring in that place of ease and fearlessness within as i take care of the uncertainties of life, one moment at a time and...see what happens.

group power

aumming and meditating with fellow dedicated meditators is like traveling to outer space on a super duper power rocket with a top notch flight crew that have poured in years of determined, focused efforts to become a seamless crew. we sing the primordial sound in a whole variety of pitches, tones, rhythms and pacings. all with a common goal: to arrive at that inner space that is the source of ease and fearlessness, shimmering with joy.

what's so special about moses

how come nobody since moses could have a face-to-face with YHVH? even the prophets. why? what about moses that makes him so awesomely special? not that i don't think parting waters is not phenomenal. but, somehow, i don't think that is it. this has been one of those burning questions bugging me. until i began to study the book of numbers and deuteronomy with my rabbi. this is a man, plucked out of comforts, wealth, wife and family, commanded to lead a stiffneck people out of a devil they knew (slavery) to a devil they didn't know (wilderness). i mean, think about it, they even complained about mannas, they were bored of it. what a hard life moses was given. to top it all, YHVH told him in his face, you are not going into the promised land, forget it, in your dreams, but you are going to lead them to it.

what would i do if i were moses? i would be angry. well, moses was angry. i would, in one way or another, refuse to follow through with YHVH's command. but not moses. even in the depths of his anger and disappointment and frustration he never forgot his life purpose, to make sure the people would have unabiding faith for generations to come.

i pray i would be like moses in times of anger, disappointment and frustration. what a hard act to follow. but it is possible. thank you, moses.

you are (fill in the blank) and i am the Self

i read this line from yogic scriptures. here's how it works, e.g. you are the craving for haagen daz and i am the Self. hey, i get it. i can choose to have it, i don't have to be consumed by the impulse. or this. you are a thought and i am the Self. then it becomes a no-brainer, of course, a thought is a thought, not me. then i can examine it at my own pace and decide if i want to act on it. the thought doesn't control me by default.

i'm so excited, i can go on and on. you are the impulse to shop and i am the Self. i don't have to go with it. you are anger and i am the Self. you are disappointment and i am the Self.

now, that's freedom.

buzzing roaring qi

38 + 58. i was fully expected to meditate 38 min and ended up 58 min over. what a sweet surprise treat. weeell, actually, about 20-30 min was for coming out of meditation. there was a time when i thought i should be able to snap out of meditation. why the mind would have that thought? i don't know. but it makes total sense. i have to take time to get into meditation, why would i not have to take time to return? no brainer.

anyway, it was really sweet, to be immersed in swell after swell of buzzing, roaing qi filling up everywhere in my being. by the time i am back i can look at the day's challenges with confidence and composure.